and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
