My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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