That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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