is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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