Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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