try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
