so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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