New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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