Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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