I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
