I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
