I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
