Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need water and some morals
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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