Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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