You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
