Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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