So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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