You made me cry and you don't even care
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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