yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
