i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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