is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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