If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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