your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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