I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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