Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
