Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i'm inner monologue high
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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