But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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