I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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