i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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