Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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