I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
