I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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