did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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