Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
