i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
