i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize