No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
