Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
