hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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