yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
