Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
