The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
