I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
