I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
