i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
