dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
