I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
