How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
