new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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