walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
