I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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