Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
