I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
