Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
