i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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