after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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