I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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