Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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