I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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