My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
