just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
