DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize