That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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