How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
