Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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