The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
