i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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