Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
