you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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