I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
