omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize