are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
