TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
