I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
