nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
