awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
