i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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